Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize