happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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