Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
