Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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