Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
