I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
