i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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