I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
