my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize