I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
