Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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