the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
