I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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