The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize