I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
