I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
