My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
