A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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