Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize