I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
