Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
