and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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