Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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