Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
