I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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