She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
