Tell her she can't have a vagina
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
