We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
