at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
