its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
