can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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