If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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