covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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