I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
