this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
