She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
