In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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