went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
