i would punch a child for taco bell
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We are two peas in an std pod
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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