I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
