I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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