1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't notice because vodka
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
