Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
