i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize