we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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