You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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