there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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