this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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