And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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