the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
