I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.