Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.