There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol