I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??