Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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