My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
