I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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