I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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