just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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