hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
