Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?