It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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